she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
