So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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