it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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