Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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