I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you had me at cake vodka
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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