Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
