just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
