I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
