I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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