I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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