Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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