Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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