i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
