I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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