Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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