Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
