This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize