She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
