Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
