he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
