I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
