I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
