he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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