i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Please don't give away my fajitas
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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