I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
