she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize