BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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