Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The uberlube is also flammable
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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