Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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