If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
