He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
