In America we eat man semen.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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