you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
