Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
