dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
