At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
