He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
