Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
