she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
