do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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