you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
