I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
