so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.