hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.