she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow