I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof