Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"