I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?