She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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