smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
