Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The feeling are messing with the penis
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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