I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
