Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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