i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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