walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
