Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
