all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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