I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
