I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
