My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
