I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
