I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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