I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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