dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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